The Beauty of Berkley

The beginning of the pregnancy was a blur of emotions. We were so happy and scared at the same time. I was so scared to have a miscarriage early on in the pregnancy. I knew so many women had experienced them and my heart broke for them. Every night I would repeat a saying in my head, “Happy, Healthy baby” over and over until I fell asleep.I found this calculator that would show you the risk of a miscarriage calculated based on my due date. I found comfort in a statistic of how low the odds were after I got out of that 12 week window. But I am that 1 in 160 pregnancies that end in stillbirth.

Once the morning sickness was gone it was getting close to the time to find out the gender. We went down to a place in the cities when she was 16 weeks along to find out what gender our child was. We were sitting in the waiting room. There was a wild little boy screaming and jumping off everything. Tony said that in that moment he started hoping for a girl. I thought early in my pregnancy it was a boy. Then about two weeks before we went to find out I felt like it was a girl.

As we entered the room to see our child for the first time we were so nervous. I didn’t have a bump yet but, there she was swimming all over the screen. The minute we saw her we were in love. She was moving her arms and legs so fast. We sat there so quietly waiting for him to tell us what the gender was. Finally he said, “It’s a girl.”

We couldn’t agree on a name for a few weeks. I thought of the name Berkley when I was watching parenthood a few years back and added it to a list I had of “future baby names.” It’s also is a brand of fishing stuff. I always thought our children would have traditional names but we just loved the name Berkley. We finally agreed we would name her Berkley Lorraine Bistodeau. She is also named after her Great Grandmother Lorraine Harris. She is my grandma and one of my favorite people in this world. She is 80 years old, has bright blonde hair, loves to shop, always there to talk when I need her, feisty, and funny as hell!

The nine months Berkley spent with us was the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I never knew that I could love someone so much and I hadn’t even met her yet. I was always talking to her, rubbing her back/butt and dreaming about our future together. For the months leading up to her due date we spent them preparing to become parents. Finding everything she needed, going to hospital appointments, baby showers, installing the car seat and setting the crib up for her arrival. Those are the months that I will cherish for the rest of my life. They were full of excitement and love.IMG_6102.PNG

 

Life before Berkley

My husband and I are high school sweethearts. I know it sounds stupid, but when I saw him in seventh grade I knew there was something special about him. I had the biggest crush on him for years. Then we began to hangout with friends together. A few months later he asked me out on March 5th, 2002. We fell so in love, so fast, and young. It wasn’t always easy to stay in a relationship when you are that young. It is worth it for sure.

After 7 years of dating we were married. It was a beautiful day followed by a storm during the evening. As of today we have been married for 6 years and 8 months. Staying married is not always easy but, living without each other wouldn’t be either. We have been through the “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”.

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For Better, We have traveled many places together. We bought a beautiful house together. We had really fun jobs that we were paid to travel and enjoy what we were doing at the events we worked at. Many quite nights just spent together. Being able to laugh together over the stupidest things.

For Worse, Life is chaotic and full of stress that drains us. We are just two individuals with unique personalities that struggle to see eye to eye sometimes. We feel like the world has been crashing down around us for the last few years. With his mother being sick, his father getting hurt at work, Tony’s sister was struggling with an addiction,  and our niece moving across the country and now losing our daughter.

We were all at a breaking point a over a year ago. Tony’s mother kidneys final failed so she needed to have a kidney transplant. My brave, kindhearted husband stepped up to donate his kidney to his mom. The surgery took place 10.3.2014. They both recovered and she was like a new person. My sister in-law is doing amazing too! Not only did she complete treatment, she is very active in recovery, she continues to work the program, and manages a sober living house. A few more months and she will have two years clean! My niece is doing amazing and adjusted great. I am so happy and proud of her. I know she is such a strong and beautiful young women.

We felt things were finally turning around for the whole family. Right after Tony donated his kidney to his mother, something changed in us. We knew that no matter what, family is the most import thing in life. Money, traveling, and material things were not the most important things in life. We knew we wanted to have a child.

Four months after the surgery we found out on February, 28th that we were going to be parents. We were so excited and we saw a ray of light in the mess we had been getting through.IMG_4931