Two years

Today is two years since you went away. Watching the leaves change makes my chest get tighter and it feels like I cannot breath. It’s crazy how powerful my mind is.  We have gotten so much stronger since the day you slipped away but this time of year, today and Tuesday bring back the hard pain. The pain that you can feel stealing air from my lungs, the pressure in my chest, and sadness in my heart growing.

This time of year brings back our worst memories of the worst days of our life. Causing us to relive that raw pain and think about the trauma we endured of the reality of you leaving us. 

On Tuesday you would be turning two years old. I wonder what you would be like? What would our family look like? Would your little sister be here with us already and what would your relationship with her look like? 

We think about you every single day. Wondering what you would be like and how much me miss you. Time hasn’t changed that part. Time has changed the intensity of our pain and the aching feeling. Missing you hasn’t changed. 

With time passing it feels as if we shouldn’t talk about you as much because, other people might not understand. Not understanding that we just don’t have to move on, get over, or have replacement children. That’s not how it works. We have learned to live without you, not by choice. 

We love, honor and miss you. We keep your memory alive. You will always be our first child and our beautiful baby girl. We miss you everyday but especially today. Today we are going on a drive with your little sister to try to see the beauty this world still has and remember your beautiful life. 

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